


comatose dreams

by RandyRobot



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Coma, In line with canon, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, Pining, i guess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-05
Updated: 2019-07-05
Packaged: 2020-06-15 18:52:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,715
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19624717
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RandyRobot/pseuds/RandyRobot
Summary: Martin visits Jon in the hospital





	comatose dreams

**Author's Note:**

> -sits on the ground a shovels handfulls of gravel into my shorts- you ever yearn?

Martin paused in the threshold of the doorway. Jon was laying in his hospital bed, totally motionless. It had been over a month and Jon still hadn’t moved. His heart wasn’t beating and his lungs weren’t taking in any air. Apparently, his brain and nerves were still working though and Martin could see his eyes were moving when he walked closer, like he was in deep REM sleep. Martin reached out, letting his fingers brush against Jon’s cheek. It was cool but not unbearably cold like Martin had always assumed a corpse would feel like.

“What are you dreaming about in there?” he asked. Jon didn’t answer. Martin sighed and sat down next to him, scooching the chair close to the bed.  
“Probably nothing good, right?” Martin smiled weakly and touched Jon’s hand. It was cold, his hands were always a little chilly. Something about not having the best circulation. His heart not beating at all now only made it worse. Martin let his fingers lace into Jon’s and stared down at Jon’s skinny fingers. He had a few hangnails but it didn’t look like his nails had actually grown any. Or maybe the nurses kept them trimmed short. They looked extra scrawny next to Martin's thick fingers.

"You know, I've been telling myself you made me stay behind to keep me safe," Martin said, giving Jon's hand a gentle squeeze. "I probably would've just gotten in the way though. And it’s not like I didn’t get into trouble on my own. Sorry, I burned some statements.”  
Martin looked up at Jon’s face. He looked weird without his glasses on, like his eyes were too small and he had a little bit of a tan line on the hooked bridge of his nose from where they usually sat. Martin thought it was actually pretty cute.  
“Did you hear that tape? Probably not. Not yet at least, too busy being in a coma.” Martin laughed to himself bitterly and squeezed Jon’s hand between both of his own. “I don’t even think you can hear me right now. I hope you can,” he sighed, “I’m gonna pretend you can.”

Jon didn’t respond. 

“I… either way I think I’ll just let you listen to it when you wake up. I know you listen to all of them. It’s… it’s kinda hard for me to just talk about.” He looked up at Jon’s eyes, which remained closed.  
"I kinda knew Elias would do something like that I just... I didn't know it would be so bad." Martin squeezed Jon’s hand and kept looking at his face even as his eyes unfocused and started to blur with unshed tears.

Hearing Elias tell him about it had been a shock but it was the feeling of having the knowledge forced violently into his brain that really broke him. He’d suddenly felt every single glare she’d shot at him the second his back was turned. Every time she’d subtly clenched her jaw or fists in rage as he spoke kindly to her. The relief and joy she felt whenever he left. Every excuse she’d made to avoid being in his presence. The absolute hatred she felt for him that he'd just been completely oblivious of for years. And now she was in even worse condition and he couldn't even bring himself to see her.

Jon's finger twitched and Martin blinked back into the moment, letting his grip relax. Jon's knuckles popped silently back into place. Martin frowned, he hadn't realized he'd been squeezing Jon's hand so tight.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to," Martin blurted. He blinked the tears out of his eyes and rubbed the palm of Jon's hand comfortingly.  
"That probably did something messed up to your dream, huh? I'm sorry Jon I didn't mean to I just," he sniffed hard to clear his nose, "just had a bit of a moment there."

Jon's finger twitched again as Martin softly massaged his tendons, curling just slightly and resting against one of Martin's fingers. Almost like he was trying to hold Martin's hand back. Martin almost burst into tears.

Martin shifted his grip on Jon's hand, lacing their fingers back together and bringing Jon's hand up to press against his face. Jon's hand felt a little warmer now but Martin knew it was just from leeching the heat from his hands. His heart still wasn’t beating. He kissed Jon's knuckle softly before letting their hands rest on the bed again.

"Weird how things affect your dreams isn't it? I remember one time when I was little, there was a really bad thunderstorm while I was asleep and in my dream a door slammed really loud and woke me up but the sound was from the thunder. Does that make sense? Anyway, that always stuck with me. I always thought it was so weird how your brain reacts to things when you're dreaming. Like how it translates what's happening outside of your dream."

Martin smiled at Jon, who continued to have absolutely no reaction to what he was saying. At least, Martin assumed he wasn't reacting. Martin imagined Jon's eyes blinking open and focusing in on him. He imagined Jon smiling tiredly at him and giving his hand a weak squeeze. Martin's throat felt dry and he waited, wishing Jon would just pull himself out and wake up. After a few seconds, the smile faded from his face and he sighed heavily.

"I miss talking to you," he said, reaching out to touch Jon's forehead and gently push his bangs back off it. His pinky rubbed gently against a divot scar from where a worm had bitten his forehead and tried to burrow under his skin. He sighed again.  
"I just miss you, Jon."

Martin leaned forward over Jon and kissed his forehead. Jon was cold against his lips and he pulled away after a mere second. He stayed leaned over Jon close to his face watching his eyelashes flutter and twitch. His face didn't look very peaceful but at least he looked well rested for once.

The only time he'd ever seen Jon sleep was the one time he'd fallen asleep while Martin was living at the institute. Jon had gotten into the habit of checking in on Martin before he left. It hadn't been anything more than just pausing and looking in at him as he passed by the door, although he had to go out of his way to walk past it on his way out. The first time it happened, Martin had looked up at him and Jon had given him an incredibly awkward wave before hurrying off and not saying anything about it the next day. After that Martin would just pretend to be asleep when he heard Jon coming or just ignore Jon looking in at him other than looking back from the corner of his eye. And one night Jon was spending way too long going home so Martin decided to get up and check on him, only to find him sleeping with his head on his desk. He'd left the tape recorder running and hadn't taken off his glasses so Martin assumed he hadn't just decided to take a quick nap on the desk. Martin had given him a gentle shake to wake him up after shutting off the tape recorder and Jon roused stiffly. He'd been frustrated, more at the obviously fake statement that apparently he hadn't even been able to get through without falling asleep than the fact that he'd fallen asleep while recording it. He'd gathered his things and grumbled to himself but thanked Martin for waking him up and gave him a sleepy smile that made Martin's heart absolutely melt before heading home.

Martin's face felt warm from thinking about it. And from having his face an inch away from Jon's. His mouth opened slightly and he let out a little sigh before softly whispering, "I hope I'm making your dreams better."

And then he leaned forward and kissed Jon on the lips.

Jon was, unsurprisingly, still cold to the touch and didn't move other than his eyelashes brushing against Martin's face. Martin was suddenly overcome with longing. He wished Jon would move, would wrap his rail thin arms around Martin's neck, burrow his face under Martin's chin for warmth as his body started working properly again. And Martin would wrap his arms around Jon's back, hold him close and secure, welcome him back with soft words and softer kisses pressed into his scalp. But he didn't wake up and Martin was left with his lips pressed awkwardly against Jon's as his eyes welled with tears.

"Sorry," he choked out as he pulled away, sitting up fully and wiping his eyes with the hand that wasn't still holding Jon's. He shut his eyes and took a moment to try and compose himself, breathing deep through his nose to calm himself down. When he opened his eyes Jon was still unconscious and his hand was still limp in Martin’s grasp.

“Um,” Martin sniffled and wiped his eyes with his sleeve, “I should probably go. Let you rest. I got things I have to be doing.”

Martin cleared his throat and straightened his back but didn’t stand up yet. He took a long moment to look at Jon’s face again. It made him feel a little better and he smiled after a moment, giving Jon’s hand a squeeze before placing it back on the bed with a gentle pat.  
“Okay,” He stood up and touched Jon’s chest gently, “you wake up soon, okay Jon?” He felt an affectionate smile pull the corners of his mouth and leaned over Jon just slightly, “I- I love you.”  
Jon didn’t react other than a slight twitch of his eyebrow that Martin decided meant Jon had heard him. He smiled wider and let out a shaky but content sigh before standing upright and turning to head out. He decided he'd keep visiting Jon when he wasn’t busy, just to check in on him. Maybe he wouldn’t kiss him again though, that had actually been really weird and a little gross. Maybe he’d be able to do it when he woke up. The thought made him smile awkwardly, his cheeks heating up.

Yeah, maybe when he woke up.

**Author's Note:**

> and then he didn't wake up for like 6months sorry martin i lovbe you


End file.
